Monday, December 1
ANother check-in
I was just taking time to read the posts I had put up since Megan and I broke up ... which is damn near two years ago.
That's weird to say. Really really weird.
It feels like both way longer and way shorter than that.
And why would this blog still be in existence? I don't know.
Anyway, just wanted to post to check-in.
Sunday, August 31
11:11
This is from probably my favoritest blog of all-time.It's called post secret. Check it out.
Megan was always real big on "11:11". She was constantly reminding to make a wish ... sometimes if were like 11:09, we'd even stare at the clock until 11:11. Haha ... I used to roll my eyes, but secretly I thought it was mega cute.
Just one of those little things ya see that reminds you of stories like that...
What to do with the blog
I can't decide whether I want to make this blog private or not.
Here's the problem, I haven't posted in forever ... and I really hesitate to post because of a reader or two who is close to me ... that regularly checks in on this blog and can't keep their thoughts to themselves ...
I don't want to be judged and frankly, I know everyone's opinions around me ...
And I know that Megan will never read it ... so if I make it totally private, then each post is totally only for my own vent ... and that completely defeats half the purpose of the blog, and why I still post.
So I've decided after much debate to keep it 100% open. We still get a lot of random people stumbling in and maybe this blog's purpose will continue to be served for one of those random people each week.
Thus, if you have an opinion and I know it already ... keep it to yourself. Don't even tell me you still check it. I know already. I can see who reads and when ... This blog isn't for you. Don't make me start moderating comments or obliterate them all together.
And if you just have to comment, keep it supportive, and understanding ... 'cause I don't want to deal with it otherwise.
And hopefully that settles that.
Here's the problem, I haven't posted in forever ... and I really hesitate to post because of a reader or two who is close to me ... that regularly checks in on this blog and can't keep their thoughts to themselves ...
I don't want to be judged and frankly, I know everyone's opinions around me ...
And I know that Megan will never read it ... so if I make it totally private, then each post is totally only for my own vent ... and that completely defeats half the purpose of the blog, and why I still post.
So I've decided after much debate to keep it 100% open. We still get a lot of random people stumbling in and maybe this blog's purpose will continue to be served for one of those random people each week.
Thus, if you have an opinion and I know it already ... keep it to yourself. Don't even tell me you still check it. I know already. I can see who reads and when ... This blog isn't for you. Don't make me start moderating comments or obliterate them all together.
And if you just have to comment, keep it supportive, and understanding ... 'cause I don't want to deal with it otherwise.
And hopefully that settles that.
Wednesday, April 30
Chester, South Carolina
So I needed to e-mail Megan tonight. First time I've had any type of contact in so long I can't even remember when.
Actually it's not like she's responded back yet, so I can't even call it contact. Anyway. I was debating whether I should. Then I got caught up in the show on PBS called "Carrier". Long story short, took me back. Nearly teared up. I could never describe the emotions I felt when dating her.
Anyway, I went ahead and e-mailed her with my query. Tried to keep it brief, to the point ... the way she wants much interaction to be I think. Of course after doing that I felt compelled to check this blog, which I haven't done in well over a month.
Whenever I check the blog, I also check the IP addresses of the last 20 visitors. Just to see if it's anyone I know. Got a couple hits from the UK, standard. Got a hit from collegeville, MN ... I don't know if I know anyone in collegeville, but I see that IP address a lot.
Saw a few from here in my area. Prolly just people checkin' up on shit.
And then there was the most recent hit ... from an IP address in Chester, South Carolina.
45 miles and 54 minutes (according to mapquest) from the grand metropolitan area of Clinton, South Carolina ... Megan's new home for her new life.
I know in my heart of hearts that this is obviously a coincidence. It wasn't Megan checking up on the site. Pretty sure she's totally forgotten the web address anyway.
Yet, I can't help but wonder, that's one hell of a coincidence. This blog get visitors from all over the world. From Texas to Fiji to the Phillippines ... and yet someone logged on from Chester, South Carolina.
Little did they know the very subject I write about is a mere 45 miles from their very location.
Of the entire world, of all the possible places ... and we get a hit 45 miles from Megan's new home.
I've only ever seen one other hit from South Carolina. It was from the largest city close to Megan, Greenville, South Carolina. That was months ago. But I always wondered ... could it be? What would she think?
I know in this situation it's most certainly not Megan. But whoever you are Chester, SC, the girl to which this blog was created for is a mere hop, skip and a jump away. Hell you may even know her, or have run into here and never have known it.
It truly is a small world.
Actually it's not like she's responded back yet, so I can't even call it contact. Anyway. I was debating whether I should. Then I got caught up in the show on PBS called "Carrier". Long story short, took me back. Nearly teared up. I could never describe the emotions I felt when dating her.
Anyway, I went ahead and e-mailed her with my query. Tried to keep it brief, to the point ... the way she wants much interaction to be I think. Of course after doing that I felt compelled to check this blog, which I haven't done in well over a month.
Whenever I check the blog, I also check the IP addresses of the last 20 visitors. Just to see if it's anyone I know. Got a couple hits from the UK, standard. Got a hit from collegeville, MN ... I don't know if I know anyone in collegeville, but I see that IP address a lot.
Saw a few from here in my area. Prolly just people checkin' up on shit.
And then there was the most recent hit ... from an IP address in Chester, South Carolina.
45 miles and 54 minutes (according to mapquest) from the grand metropolitan area of Clinton, South Carolina ... Megan's new home for her new life.
I know in my heart of hearts that this is obviously a coincidence. It wasn't Megan checking up on the site. Pretty sure she's totally forgotten the web address anyway.
Yet, I can't help but wonder, that's one hell of a coincidence. This blog get visitors from all over the world. From Texas to Fiji to the Phillippines ... and yet someone logged on from Chester, South Carolina.
Little did they know the very subject I write about is a mere 45 miles from their very location.
Of the entire world, of all the possible places ... and we get a hit 45 miles from Megan's new home.
I've only ever seen one other hit from South Carolina. It was from the largest city close to Megan, Greenville, South Carolina. That was months ago. But I always wondered ... could it be? What would she think?
I know in this situation it's most certainly not Megan. But whoever you are Chester, SC, the girl to which this blog was created for is a mere hop, skip and a jump away. Hell you may even know her, or have run into here and never have known it.
It truly is a small world.
Monday, March 3
A little James Blunt on this rainy day
Good-bye my Lover
by James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Labels: Break-up music
Wednesday, February 20
Everywhere
Everywhere
by Tim McGraw
We were born in this little town
Growin' up I was countin' down
Every single day
'Til we made our get away
But you said you could never see yourself
Tryin' to make a life anywhere else
This would be your home
And I was on my own
But ever since you said good bye
I've been out here on the wind
And baby you would be surprised
All the places you have been
I've seen you in...
Albuquerque
Waitin' out a blizzard
Arizona
Dancin' 'cross the desert
Watchin' the sun set in
Monterey
Girl I swear just the other day you were
Down in Georgia
Pickin' them peaches
In Carolina
Barefoot on the beaches
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you
Everywhere
Now days
When I'm passin' through
The conversation always turns to you
I hear you're doin' fine
Livin' out by the county line
Got a man that's home every night
a couple of kids and the kind of life
That you want to lead
Guess you couls say the same for me
Cuz you and I
Made our choices
All those years ago
Still I know
I'll hear your voice
And see you down the road
Maybe in
Oklahoma
Drivin' 'cross the prairie
In Dallas, Texas
Isn't that where we
Always said we would
Like to try
Never did
So maybe that's why you're on
Every highway
Just beyond the high-beams
Right beside me
In all of my sweet dreams
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you
In...
(Repeat chorus)
Labels: Break-up music
Monday, January 7
Love Actually
Whenever I think I of Love Actually, I'll always think of Megan. It still makes me smile, and cry.
Her sister Sarah and I worked together last Christmas to actually do this in person. Of course it didn't work, but it was worth a shot. At least I pulled out every big gun I could to get another chance at us.
via videosift.com
Her sister Sarah and I worked together last Christmas to actually do this in person. Of course it didn't work, but it was worth a shot. At least I pulled out every big gun I could to get another chance at us.
via videosift.com
Labels: Breaking-Up video
Saturday, December 8
And p.s if this is Austin...
What kind of man would hang on that long,
What kind of love that must be...
-Austin by Blake Shelton-
What kind of love that must be...
-Austin by Blake Shelton-
Labels: Break-up music
Bottom-Line: I'm pretty messed up
One of the hardest parts of breaking-up for me is trying to move on. I could devote hours to pouring my heart out over this topic and still not really cover it.
Will I ever really move on?
I've been confronted with a lot of questions recently, as I've come to be very close with someone over the last six months. And absolutely beautiful and amazingly fun girl ... that I think feels more and more like I can only give to a point.
I don't know how I feel or what I feel. I know I like her. I know I still miss Megan. Especially this time of year.
Anyway, yesterday she told me she needed to take a big step back because I wasn't ready to move on.
It wasn't exactly a break-up as we weren't together, and the future is still yet to be determined. But it did suck. A lot.
Bottom-line: I'm just messed up. Megan hurt me pretty bad, yet I still miss her being in my life. I think this all would have been a lot easier in the long run if things would have gone down differently.
I think it'd be easier if Megan would ever approach things differently too. Maybe that's what sucks too. Knowing that my own heartache could have been or could potentially lessened, but that was and is dependent on her ... and no matter how much I try to take the power back, I can't permanently.
Okay, that was cryptic. Anyway, I'm done venting.
I do miss Megan.
I also Miss my co-counselor.
I hate that I drove the first away.
I hate that the second is being driven away because I'm still dealing with driving the first off.
Ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
Will I ever really move on?
I've been confronted with a lot of questions recently, as I've come to be very close with someone over the last six months. And absolutely beautiful and amazingly fun girl ... that I think feels more and more like I can only give to a point.
I don't know how I feel or what I feel. I know I like her. I know I still miss Megan. Especially this time of year.
Anyway, yesterday she told me she needed to take a big step back because I wasn't ready to move on.
It wasn't exactly a break-up as we weren't together, and the future is still yet to be determined. But it did suck. A lot.
Bottom-line: I'm just messed up. Megan hurt me pretty bad, yet I still miss her being in my life. I think this all would have been a lot easier in the long run if things would have gone down differently.
I think it'd be easier if Megan would ever approach things differently too. Maybe that's what sucks too. Knowing that my own heartache could have been or could potentially lessened, but that was and is dependent on her ... and no matter how much I try to take the power back, I can't permanently.
Okay, that was cryptic. Anyway, I'm done venting.
I do miss Megan.
I also Miss my co-counselor.
I hate that I drove the first away.
I hate that the second is being driven away because I'm still dealing with driving the first off.
Ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
Labels: Breaking-Up
Memories of times past
I was having a fine night not thinking about Megan.
Then on the way home, driving three drunk friends, in the distance I saw the sillohoute of a college guy grasping the hand of another girl. She was wearing his jacket. They had obviously been to a party and were plodding through the snow on their way back home. Neither were drunk.
For whatever reason it reminded me so much of Megan and I ... and what feels like not that long ago, but in reality was nearly two years ago.
I can still feel how that felt. I can still feel her. And all the times we spent together in room 652. For almost our entire time in college it was Megan and I. And it stills feel like it was yesterday.
Hell it still feels like it should be today.
I don't know if it's the same for her. It's probably not. She's starting a new life. One she doesn't want me to exist in. Nonetheless, I still wonder if it's ever the same for her.
I'll probably never know ... and always wonder.
Then on the way home, driving three drunk friends, in the distance I saw the sillohoute of a college guy grasping the hand of another girl. She was wearing his jacket. They had obviously been to a party and were plodding through the snow on their way back home. Neither were drunk.
For whatever reason it reminded me so much of Megan and I ... and what feels like not that long ago, but in reality was nearly two years ago.
I can still feel how that felt. I can still feel her. And all the times we spent together in room 652. For almost our entire time in college it was Megan and I. And it stills feel like it was yesterday.
Hell it still feels like it should be today.
I don't know if it's the same for her. It's probably not. She's starting a new life. One she doesn't want me to exist in. Nonetheless, I still wonder if it's ever the same for her.
I'll probably never know ... and always wonder.
